The Threatening Pictures
by AerisStriife
Summary: This story is very weird. It stars the Strifes and the Wallaces. Sephiroth is an idiot and Aeris is alive! R&R!
1. So it Starts

The Threatening Pictures  
  


A/N: I do not own, intend on owning, and probably never WILL own these characters. Now you can't sue me! MWAHAHAHA! Foiled your plan, didn't I! BUT, I _do_, along with my brother (CloudStryfe) and sister(ArtemisP), own the idea of "The Strifes and the Wallaces", theme song and all! So, please, ask before using it! ::receives the Nobel Peace Prize::  
  
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Theme Song:  
  
_The Strifes and the Wallaces,  
They live together,  
In their humble home,  
This is where their annoying neighbor,  
Sephiroth comes to roam,  
When they say,   
"GO HOME, SEPHIROTH!",  
Then, he cries,  
They all hope he runs off a cliff and diiiiiiiiies!  
YEAH!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_  


  
  
The clock buzzes 3:00am three times.  
  
Aeris: Ugh.....(hits the button and mutters to herself) I don't know why I put myself through this...  
  
Cloud: Aeris? What are you...Oh...the 3 hour breakfast thing....(eyes her in her sexy pj's) Can't it wait?  
  
Aeris: Okay! (jumps into bed) hehehe!  
  
Tifa:(wearing glow-in-the dark footy pj's and standing in the corner of the room) HaHaHa! They'll never spot me taking erotic photos of them going at it....HAHAHA!!!!(dances around gaily and steps on Cloud) You can't see me taking erotic photos!!!!!  
  
Aeris: T-Tifa? Is that you?  
  
Cloud: What are you doing, you sicko?  
  
Tifa: (waving her arms and twirling around, making her way to the door) I am just a figment of your imitations! OW!!!(bumps head on the door)  
  
Aeris: What a dumbass.....  
  
Cloud: All her brain is in her breasts....  
  
Aeris: I can see that....  
  
They proceed the love making.  
  
**************************************************  
  
Barrett: But I think that Bush's candidacy was INvalid!  
  
Red XIII: Ruff ruff ARF!  
  
Barrett: True, true, but what if Gore SPONSORED the creation of the internet?  
  
Cloud and Aeris walk in hand in hand.  
  
Red: ARF ARF RUFF!!!  
  
Barrett: But everyone already KNEW smoking was harmful to your health!   
  
Aeris: Heated conversation, Barrett?  
  
Barrett: Yeah. Although I don't TOTALLY agree with his views, Red DOES pose an interesting argument....  
  
Red: (cocks head to side) ARF!!!!  
  
Barrett: I see.....Wait...no, let me explain.....  
  
Cloud: Alrighty...Speaking of weirdoes, where did Tifa go?  
  
*********************************************  
  
We find Tifa in a red room.  
  
Tifa: All I need to do is splice these potos. Well, splicing can't be much different from doing Sephiroth. What's a poto anyways? Oh well... (humps the pictures)  
  
**********************************************  
  
Sephiroth: Mama! Did you press the gerbils?  
  
Jenova: Yes dear...  
  
Sephiroth: Oh joy! Some new pantaloons! (sticks a whoopie cushion on a race track)  
  
Jenova: Sephy...Do you know what time it is?  
  
Sephiroth: Time to feed the rabbits! (pees in his pants) Ahhhh.... Buttermilk.....  
  
Jenova: EXACTLY!!! It's time to scrape my butt crust! ( Leans over)  
  
Sephiroth: But ma, the cheese stands alone!!!  
  
Jenova: SCRAPE!!!!  
  
Sephiroth: (scrapes the crust, a confused look plastered on his face) Ma, how come boobies come with 25% more free?  
  
Jenova: Because.  
  
Sephiroth: Oh! So toasters wear diapers!!!  
  
Jenova:RRRRRiiight.Ok! All done!  
  
Sephiroth: (only in his underpants, he runs to the Strife's and the Wallace's residence) Weeeeeeee!!!  
******************************************  
  
Tifa exits the red room, sweaty in her footy pj's.  
  
Tifa: Perfect! Oh baby! (the pictures look professional, surprisingly)  
  
Cloud: Hey, Tifa!   
  
Tifa: So you really want me! (slaps Aeris) He's mine, biatch!!!(throws herself at him)  
  
Cloud: (rips her off of him) I was just gonna ask you to feed Yuffie!  
  
Tifa: HA! You won't make me do chores as long as I have THESE babies!  
  
All: (gasp)  
  
Sephiroth:(barges in) BUTTERED TOAST!  
  
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What will happen next? Stay tuned for the next chapters of The Threatening Pictures!  
  
P.S.: I _know _that Red can talk....it's just a fic....geez!  



	2. What will become of this?

Episode 2: What will become of this?  
  
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Barrett: Oh my lord! Shield the children's eyes!  
  
Red: (whimpers) arf..!  
  
Aeris: (gulps) Tifa...er...what EXACTLY do you intend on doing with those...?!  
  
Tifa: Well, I do have some connections with the newspaper...If you know what I mean! (winks and starts making a humping motion to the air)  
  
Vincent: (suddenly appears) I know what she means! (runs up to her and sticks his head in her boobs)  
  
Everyone but Tifa(she's kinda sloooow): Where'd you come from?  
  
Vincent: I dunno... (gasps as he spots a caged Yuffie) Yuffie my love!! NOOO!  
  
Sephiroth: Do the hustle! Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, doo doo  
  
All: GO HOME, SEPHIROTH!  
  
Sephiroth: WAAAAHHH!!!! WHOA!  
  
Aeris: Why are you acting all weird, Vincent?  
  
Vincent: I've been deprived of love from my little Yuffers!(runs out, carrying Yuffie)  
  
Tifa: (clears throat) AHEM! My pictures!  
  
All: Oh!  
  
Barrett: Oh gawd! The children, think of the children! Shield their eyes!!! OH! THE HUMANITY!  
  
Everyone but Tifa(didn't I explain why?): ok, that's enough...(looking at Barrett)  
  
Cloud: I'll be RUINED!  
  
Aeris: (faints)  
  
Tifa: MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!! You'll never insult me or underestimagate my intelligence ever again!!! And Cloud will be mine once more!(runs out)  
  
Aeris: (wakes up) ONCE AGAIN? What does she mean, Cloud?!  
  
Cloud: (sweats nervously) Uhm! Er....! Heh...  
  
Aeris: HMPH!!!! (stomps to her room and slams the door)  
  
Barrett: CAT FIGHT! MEOW!  
  
Cloud: (growls and beats up Barrett) Aeris! I can explain!  
  
Sephiroth: (pops his head in the door) I'm just a girl who can't say no! hehe!   
  
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What went on with Cloud and Tifa? Does Sephiroth have ANYTHING to do with this fic? Just exactly what DO the pictures look like? Find out in the next chapters of...The Threatening Pictures!   
  
Narrator: Whew! This story sucks! The author must be PRETTY stupid! Ha ha.... I don't know why I even TOOK this job!  
  
Aeris Striife: HEY! I heard that! (beats up the narrator) There!  
  
Narrator: Ambulance?!  



	3. The Realization

Episode 3: The Realization  
  
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Aeris is sitting on her bed, sobbing.  
  
Cloud: (bursts through the door) Aeris! I can explain!  
  
Aeris: Explain what? The hot sex you and Tifa had together in explicit detail?  
  
Sephiroth: (runs into the room and sits down) Ooo! Bedtime stories!  
  
A & C: (glare at Sephiroth) GO HOME, SEPHIROTH!  
  
Sephiroth: WAAAHHH! WHOOA!  
  
Cloud: Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! No, I was just going to explain to you what happened.  
  
Aeris:(wipes away a tear) *Sniff* O...k-kay  
  
Cloud: Well, we were really drunk.....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
One night....  
  
Cloud: You know Tifa *hic* I never knowed you was so pretty!  
  
Tifa: Really? I dizn't know you wasa so hamsome *hic*!  
  
Cloud: Wanna do it?! Cuz I'm really really*hic* horny!  
  
Tifa: (laughs) Okay! Sounds like *hic* fun!  
  
They do it.  
  
Later, lying in bed....  
  
Cloud: (sober) Whoa! What happened? (looks over to see Tifa) AAAAHH!!  
  
Tifa: Heh heh! You're mine now, cutey!  
  
Cloud: (scrambles out of bed) Oh man! I'm marrying Aeris in a week! Man! (shudders at the thought of doing Tifa) Sh*t man!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Aeris: That doesn't prove anything. It just proves you drank a week before the wedding, as well as doing Tifa!!!(runs away)  
  
Cloud: AERIS!!!!! Damn it!  
  
Barret: (weakly) me-ow...  
  
Cloud: (kicks Barret in his jewels) Shut up...  
  
Barret: (in a high voice) Ouch...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
With Vince and Yuffie....  
  
----Record scratches----  
  
Aeris Striife: Hey! What's going on?!  
  
Vincent: Ahem....My name is Vincent. NOT Vince.  
  
Aeris Striife: Ok, whatever, Vinny... Let's roll it!  
  
Vincent: No, look, ya see, It's Vincent, not Vinny!  
  
Aeris Striife: Ok, Vin... Let's ro---  
  
Vincent: OK! I'll explain it slowly....My name is Vincent. You may not call me Vinny, Vince, Vin, etc... Not you, not anybody!  
  
Yuffie: Hey Vinny, let's get a move on!  
  
Vincent: Yes, sweet cakes!  
  
Aeris Striife: Whatever....  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
With Tifa.....  
  
Tifa: HA!!! Oooo...These pictures are giving me shivers! (reaches in her pocket) Wait....where are they? NOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
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Stayed tuned for the next chapters of...The Threatening Pictures!!!  
  
  



	4. Wait a MinuTE!

Chapter 4: Wait a Minute!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Aeris: (running out of the room) I'm going for a walk *sniff*.  
  
Red: Arf!  
  
Barret: Excuse you, Red!  
  
Aeris: What?!  
  
Barret: Red just burped.  
  
Red: Yeah...er...ARF!  
  
Aeris: (shrugs and walks out the door) Well, at least now I can think straight...  
  
Sephiroth: (is naked) Hoo Hoo! Hey, lady!  
  
Aeris: What? Ewww!!  
  
Sephiroth: Lady, do you want to play with Tina Turner and Mr. Bojangles and their friend, Willy?  
  
Aeris: Who?  
  
Sephiroth: Dem! (points to groinal area)  
  
Aeris: Ewwww! (runs away then runs back) GO HOME, SEPHIROTH!  
  
Sephiroth: WAAAAHH! WHOA!!  
  
Aeris: There! (trips over something) Ow! Hey, what's this? (picks up the picture) Hey! Wait a second! Its the...dum dum dum.....picture! (hold the picture into the light. The picture seems to be of Sephiroth, Aeris and Cloud having an orgy) If I just peel he---  
  
Masked Stranger: I won't do that if I was you, you little #$%&! @#$%%^@#$$$%^&^%*&!  
  
Aeris: (muffled) Cid?  
  
Cid: Damn! How the @#$% did you know it was me, you little b*tch?!  
  
Aeris: (kicks him in his Tina Turner and Mr. Bojangles)  
  
Cid: @#$%%@$%^&&*(()@$#!! (crumples up on the floor)  
  
Aeris: (runs home) Cloud!  
  
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Stay tuned for....oh you know the rest..  
  



End file.
